Imansir : Confessing Itself To Itself
Monday, April 20, 2009
She's Somebody's
How possible is new possibilities?
When a turning point is a true impact of her life
But why knocks the wind out of her sails
When she’s finally landing in a place she calls her home
When she’s finally learning about herself for the first time
Realizing how painful her truths, so sad that only her soul do the crying
They ought to save hopes in her, to be valuable, loved
Wasn’t that the goal?
Wasn’t they liable for her life?
Choose her either peace or strife?
She’s paralyze musing what she never has
She’s crave for love, seek it so desperately
Till her flowing tears turns her in full-blown
Thru those wails, I could hear her voice apologize
For worst of all, letting God down
I say, she’s the treasure of other people’s chromosomes
Yet some people will never learn; ties of blood EQUAL ties of love
As she makes me the best of all, the best I can be, better…
Though there are bound to be time
When that won’t be easy to share
When a turning point is a true impact of her life
But why knocks the wind out of her sails
When she’s finally landing in a place she calls her home
When she’s finally learning about herself for the first time
Realizing how painful her truths, so sad that only her soul do the crying
They ought to save hopes in her, to be valuable, loved
Wasn’t that the goal?
Wasn’t they liable for her life?
Choose her either peace or strife?
She’s paralyze musing what she never has
She’s crave for love, seek it so desperately
Till her flowing tears turns her in full-blown
Thru those wails, I could hear her voice apologize
For worst of all, letting God down
I say, she’s the treasure of other people’s chromosomes
Yet some people will never learn; ties of blood EQUAL ties of love
As she makes me the best of all, the best I can be, better…
Though there are bound to be time
When that won’t be easy to share
As she’s somebody’s, and as I'm somebody's
God…keep my faith and courage to believe in her
To change, not to return to the point she came from
I know it's still dark…but I can see the light
And I can hear the singing…
God…keep my faith and courage to believe in her
To change, not to return to the point she came from
I know it's still dark…but I can see the light
And I can hear the singing…
am back...am off...back again...
So, I haven’t been actively blogging here in a long, long time. Sha Matahari was asking, what’s with the silence and prompt me to update my blog. After almost 1 year, now that I just blogging my heart out? Hehe...funny you Yan.
Really looking forward to spending lots of time here, just that it’s getting harder and harder to get it delivers. Will try...do take a second look my dear bloggers.
Really looking forward to spending lots of time here, just that it’s getting harder and harder to get it delivers. Will try...do take a second look my dear bloggers.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Simple 5th
The year started off rough, yet it turned out really great
Then came to a fairy day on the 5th when my 2 boys plan to celebrate
I try not to look forward but they make it worth the idea
With dinner, only three of us, then a must of Starbuck’s splenda
No cake, no candles, laughter without pause
With Iman’s version of "Happy Birthday" has brought the day to a close
Simple, private yet momentous
Honored with wishes toss with hugs and kisses
To family and friends, thanks for the remembrance
May we can keep this life with full of balance
Peace
Then came to a fairy day on the 5th when my 2 boys plan to celebrate
I try not to look forward but they make it worth the idea
With dinner, only three of us, then a must of Starbuck’s splenda
No cake, no candles, laughter without pause
With Iman’s version of "Happy Birthday" has brought the day to a close
Simple, private yet momentous
Honored with wishes toss with hugs and kisses
To family and friends, thanks for the remembrance
May we can keep this life with full of balance
Peace
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
I Forgive You
Been thinking seriously about my life, our relationship. And I've discovered something. I’m letting this feeling go. Let them flow down my grounding into the earth.
You’re not the father-god, but you’re the only personal father I have for this lifetime. Your methods weren't the best but I learned, you did your best. If not of you, I wouldn't be the person I am today.
I can’t lose you, and I can’t change you.
I can’t lose you, and I can’t change you.
What's done is done, we’re goin to turn out fine.
Forgive me.
Forgive me.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
4th September
It’s good to be back after long tiring weeks away from home and office and net browsing of coz. And I’m so late for posting this one to Abah. Simple poem written on the 4th of September, on his 33rd birthday, in my own physician, longing.
I know you read here, you’re quiet, but you are here.
Am I right Yang?
Happy Birthday!
Today is your birthday
But it is not unlike most days
With I’m away
And you're alone
Difficult for me to take this distance
Those lonely meals, lonely nights
Miss your kisses, miss your touch
Miss you very very much
To be back safe in your loving arms
Which within it lies one soul
That I love you first of all
Happy Birthday!
Today is your birthday
But it is not unlike most days
With I’m away
And you're alone
Difficult for me to take this distance
Those lonely meals, lonely nights
Miss your kisses, miss your touch
Miss you very very much
To be back safe in your loving arms
Which within it lies one soul
That I love you first of all
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I Hate Mother’s Day!
Last Sunday on May 13th. We were having dinner at Scr, Mtg when an old woman, an old frail woman with her son holding her trembled hands came and sat next to our table. I learnt her failing sight which made her eating difficult but the gentle son fed her patiently. The scenario really touched my heart, I softly mourn with a little cry. Silent yet understood with the picture, Abah quickly finished up the dinner and made our way into the car. Inside the car, happened to be listening to the radio, a touching dedication came on to complete my evening with emotional chaos!
Ya, it was on Mother’s Day and how I perchance if Mother’s Day simply be like any other day as it is a very hard day to live through that I wish it would go away. I often deem myself as a strong person and in most instances I believe I am. But sometimes grief seems to come out of nowhere and we usually don’t know when it will show up or how we will react to it. I do hate the feeling of missing her terribly! I still can’t mention her name without crying. I can’t even go thru her photo albums that it would tear me apart but yet I realized how many wonderful memories I had of her.
I love her. I miss her more with every minute that passes. To pick one memorable moment with Mom would be hard. Being the eldest of four, I can remember Mom’s excitement of my acceptance into college. And on that first day, on my registration day, I realized she wore no jewelry and later learnt that she has pawned it off for my fees.
But Mom, she really is a fighter. She fought hard and so does her love. Yes she died after a brave fight of ovarian cancer and never complained even though she was in a great pain. The chemos and surgery were not enough to keep her here in this world. But I’m thankful for the past. I feel blessed to have been holding her hand, lovingly stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort and prayer to her as she suffered through the last days of her life. There were days when she can hardly get out of bed, and barely make it to the kitchen just to get my family up and running. And there were times when I would bathe her and she just weakening lie on the floor and would use a washcloth to gently clean her and then there were our quiet conversations.
Ya, it was on Mother’s Day and how I perchance if Mother’s Day simply be like any other day as it is a very hard day to live through that I wish it would go away. I often deem myself as a strong person and in most instances I believe I am. But sometimes grief seems to come out of nowhere and we usually don’t know when it will show up or how we will react to it. I do hate the feeling of missing her terribly! I still can’t mention her name without crying. I can’t even go thru her photo albums that it would tear me apart but yet I realized how many wonderful memories I had of her.
I love her. I miss her more with every minute that passes. To pick one memorable moment with Mom would be hard. Being the eldest of four, I can remember Mom’s excitement of my acceptance into college. And on that first day, on my registration day, I realized she wore no jewelry and later learnt that she has pawned it off for my fees.
But Mom, she really is a fighter. She fought hard and so does her love. Yes she died after a brave fight of ovarian cancer and never complained even though she was in a great pain. The chemos and surgery were not enough to keep her here in this world. But I’m thankful for the past. I feel blessed to have been holding her hand, lovingly stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort and prayer to her as she suffered through the last days of her life. There were days when she can hardly get out of bed, and barely make it to the kitchen just to get my family up and running. And there were times when I would bathe her and she just weakening lie on the floor and would use a washcloth to gently clean her and then there were our quiet conversations.
God, how I miss you Mom! How I wish I had you here, to see the things I’ve done, how Eddy grows (it has been hard for me to raise him without you Mom). And if you could hold your new grandson; Baby One, I know you’d have loved that. But as I think of Mom’s face, I say a prayer of thanks that she is in a place free from pain and drugs.
Mother’s Day was nice...pretending. But I wasn’t expecting much, or any...
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Motivated by Romance?
Finally gotten around to a little updating. Before, guess I lose motivation to bugfixing thing. Been written a few entries for my blog, uncompleted entries clogged by uninspired feeling. Demotivated. That’s the word! Or is there?
What driven me to write this entry? Doff and Acu will love this. It’s Meredith and Derek! God! How I love romance. By watching a show or reading a book (or doing it with Abah..hehe), the feeling is so good…inside.
Beginning…
Meredith: Look, I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower, ok? And when I get back down here, you won't be here. So goodbye, um...
Derek: Derek.
Meredith: Derek! Right, Meredith.
Then…
Meredith: Ok, Here it is. Your choice, it's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek... I love you. In a really, really big... pretend to like your taste in music... let you eat the last piece of cheesecake... hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window... unfortunate way that makes me hate you... love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll be at Joe's tonight... so if you do decide... to sign the papers... meet me there.
Later…
Meredith: No! I'm not alright? Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore, and our dog died, and now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Derek: Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands. Man, I would give anything not to be looking at you.
Later then…
Derek: You have a choice to make. Take your time because when I had a choice to make, I made the wrong one.
And the climax…
Meredith: On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is it?
Derek: Eight. [Meredith kisses Derek.]
Meredith: How about now?
Derek: Seven. [Derek kisses Meredith and Meredith rolls on top of Derek.]
Meredith: How about now?
Derek: Six. [They kiss again. Derek rolls Meredith over.]
Derek: Five, Four, Three...
They make me cry, they make me laugh, they make me happy. They are the people who are meant to be together. And to Abah, you make me love you, from all the above, you make me alive and loved when I needed it most.
What driven me to write this entry? Doff and Acu will love this. It’s Meredith and Derek! God! How I love romance. By watching a show or reading a book (or doing it with Abah..hehe), the feeling is so good…inside.
Beginning…
Meredith: Look, I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower, ok? And when I get back down here, you won't be here. So goodbye, um...
Derek: Derek.
Meredith: Derek! Right, Meredith.
Then…
Meredith: Ok, Here it is. Your choice, it's simple. Her or me. And I'm sure she's really great. But Derek... I love you. In a really, really big... pretend to like your taste in music... let you eat the last piece of cheesecake... hold a radio over my head outside your bedroom window... unfortunate way that makes me hate you... love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I'll be at Joe's tonight... so if you do decide... to sign the papers... meet me there.
Later…
Meredith: No! I'm not alright? Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore, and our dog died, and now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Derek: Do you think I want to look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands. Man, I would give anything not to be looking at you.
Later then…
Derek: You have a choice to make. Take your time because when I had a choice to make, I made the wrong one.
And the climax…
Meredith: On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad is it?
Derek: Eight. [Meredith kisses Derek.]
Meredith: How about now?
Derek: Seven. [Derek kisses Meredith and Meredith rolls on top of Derek.]
Meredith: How about now?
Derek: Six. [They kiss again. Derek rolls Meredith over.]
Derek: Five, Four, Three...
They make me cry, they make me laugh, they make me happy. They are the people who are meant to be together. And to Abah, you make me love you, from all the above, you make me alive and loved when I needed it most.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Starry Starry Night
Starry Starry Night
by Don McLean
Starry starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
Starry starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of chine blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand
For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you
Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the stranger that you've met
The ragged man in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow
Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will
Been downloading MP3 songs lately and this song is exactly what comes into my head. My all time favorite song that touched my heart which inspired by Vincent Van Gogh's painting, called ‘Starry Night’. One of the greatest and most famous artists, ever whose life and work has inspired and influenced much of art history since his tragic death.
Years ago, during my college days, after reading a book about the life of Vincent Van Gogh, I cried but immediately realized it was an idea for my English class presentation. And it was absolutely worth the effort luckily. Since then, I admire his passion and feel inspired by his life and the way he saw beauty in love and nature.
You see, by taking a deeply look into the life of Vincent Van Gogh, we can learn that he didn’t have an easy life which ended in tragedy. Died by his own hand for feeling his life was a miserable failure. But for us who stay, we learn that suicide is not the answer.
by Don McLean
Starry starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
Starry starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of chine blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand
For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry starry night
You took your life as lovers often do
But I could have told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you
Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frameless heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the stranger that you've met
The ragged man in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow
Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
How you suffered for you sanity
How you tried to set them free
They would not listen
They're not listening still
Perhaps they never will
Been downloading MP3 songs lately and this song is exactly what comes into my head. My all time favorite song that touched my heart which inspired by Vincent Van Gogh's painting, called ‘Starry Night’. One of the greatest and most famous artists, ever whose life and work has inspired and influenced much of art history since his tragic death.
Years ago, during my college days, after reading a book about the life of Vincent Van Gogh, I cried but immediately realized it was an idea for my English class presentation. And it was absolutely worth the effort luckily. Since then, I admire his passion and feel inspired by his life and the way he saw beauty in love and nature.
You see, by taking a deeply look into the life of Vincent Van Gogh, we can learn that he didn’t have an easy life which ended in tragedy. Died by his own hand for feeling his life was a miserable failure. But for us who stay, we learn that suicide is not the answer.
Syukur kepada Mu…
